Thursday, August 30, 2007

just a thought

* Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only what you are expecting to give. - Katherine Hepburn

I have to admit, the past week little things have popped up that made me wonder what I was thinking in my last relationship. Not so much missing being together, but looking back at the very balance that was thrown out of whack with us.

I won't even begin to compare that relationship to what I have now. Every relationship is different and organic and should grow from the two people and their connection. Luckily, or as painfully perfect in timing as it ended with a resounding crash.

Knowing that my worth was not based on whether or not he loved me, helped me move on. I am not saying I didn't have lows...but knowing that who I am and who I am growing into...well, its more than I was giving myself credit for. My friends couldn't make me see that, and I know more than one of them were concerned when I hadn't shaken it off after a month or so...but they also trusted that I had the resilience to stand up, brush myself off and walk matter the pace. No one else on this planet can make you believe that YOU are it. I am not talking about conceit, or bravado, or cockiness. I am talking about that internal flame that burns with the understanding that only you can feed it. You can react to external sources, yes...but its your desire, your love that adds fuel and keeps it going. When you rely on outside sources, you may get a flicker, hell you may get a nice bonfire going for a while, but it doesn't last like the fuel you provide. It will burn out, fade away and leave you cold.

There is this corny Christian song called "If you could see what I see". Sometimes you want people to let their eyes be controlled by yours. There are too many valuable people who let their hearts be steered by others - the attention or lack of attention, and they don't grab love in the most resource rich area ever - themselves.

I am not Dr Phil. I am just a 28 year old girl who is learning every day that something I thought I knew all these years could be or is wrong or has evolved. So, I might post something new in a month about love. But for now, it's all about loving me. It should be all about loving you. What grows out of that and spills onto someone else and forms a relationship that is solid...well that, my called gravy. And we all love gravy. ;)

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